Monday, September 26, 2005

Knot in the Pit of my Stomach

Ok, so we already know that I'm an anxiety-ridden worry wart, hence the need for massive amounts of Zoloft. I worry about anything and everything. I know, it's silly and pointless, but I can't help it. Trust me, I've tried to be the type of person who just goes with the flow or takes each day as it comes, but it doesn't work. However, I do think I'm much better now than when Sean and I first started dating. He admitted to me over the weekend that I used to drive him nuts with my obsessive worrying when we were first together. I think having him in my life as a calming and steadfast source of support has helped, but the potential to be a nervous wreck is still always there just waiting under the surface.

My current object of nervous obsession may be a legitimate one though. I don't know, you all tell me. Today, Sean begins work on a new project today that will have him working at the Pentagon. Now we all know what happened at the Pentagon and that it's a high profile building. I, myself, have had to go there on several occasions for business or work meetings. It always makes me a bit uneasy when I'm in a location where there's a need for soldiers armed with machine guns to be walking around. Call me a freak, but I just prefer to work in a non-weapon-carrying building. I know, I know...they're trained to use them and it's a preventative measure. Blah, blah, blah. It just wierds me out a bit. And I learned quickly to wear my badge around my neck or collar in clear view of the scary GI Joe men. Ok, I'm so rambling...another sign of nervousness. Anyways, I know the likelihood of another tragedy occurring there is minimal and that it's probably better protected than 95% of the potential targets of terrorists. However, that security was breached once and living in the DC area I was able to witness the devastation and destruction firsthand. I could never work there personally because I'm a big scaredy cat. Also, knowing that I was working in a building where so many had lost their lives would just wear on me emotionally and mentally. Yes, I'm quite shut it! :) Sean has strict instructions to call me immediately if anything strange or an evacuation takes place there. I know that he's probably safer there than on the roads in DC with all the crazy drivers we have around here. He's my family though- the man I want to build my life, who I want to grow old with and have cute little (Liberal Democrat...shh!) babies with. So other than downing my daily dose of Zoloft with some wine- how do I quell these feelings of uneasiness? Sorry for the book ya'll...but it's my blog so I can ramble.

Updated to Add: Why does it smell like drunk-spicy hot wings puke in my office? Eeeew...gross!


Blogger Bailey's Mom said...


I know how you feel. When charlie used to be at Langley I would get nervous. Especially when he would come home and tell me that there was "heightened security" for one reason or another - which meant that there were people walking around with machine guns (nice visual). But after so many years of him working in really high security government buildings, i dont even think about it anymore. You already realize that the likelihood of anything happening is slim! Honestly, I dont think that it is any more likely to happen in a gov't building than a non govt one - look at the twin towers - no gov't affiliation there. You will get used to him working there, and in time you wont even think about it :)

9/26/2005 12:26 PM  
Blogger LaLa Lisa said...

E- I hope you're right because right now it has me on pins and needles. I was so relieved when he called me earlier, but of course I pretended I was all calm and rational. Hehe. :) I know he can take of himself, but I also know that god forbid something did happen he'd be one of the first people to try and help even if it meant putting himself at risk. Darn good guy mentality. :)

9/26/2005 1:12 PM  
Blogger Kjersten said...

I would be totally nervous too and don't blame you for being worried about him. I'm sure you'll start feeling better after the first week.

9/26/2005 2:44 PM  
Blogger LaLa Lisa said...

K- Thanks, I feel a little less irrational. I'm hoping he'll only be working there temporarily, my sanity hopes so as well. :)

9/26/2005 3:44 PM  
Blogger West Coast Mia said...

I think that the tragedy of 9/11 jarred us all a little bit. When we flew to Florida I was a nervous wreck about being in a plane. Then not flying for so long after 9/11 it gave me time to build up anxiety about being in one. But seeing your beautiful face made me overcome my fear. I think the girls are right after a couple of weeks you will relax and not think about it as much.

9/26/2005 6:12 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

your worry is understandable...sometimes it's hard to know that logically you or your loved ones are safe, but to emotionally feel like they're not...logic and emotion rarely, if ever, mesh'll grow old with him and have lots of liberal democrat babies, just like me *LOL*...i cut out the middle man and married an ex-gi joe...yep, that's right..john the john john man was a Sgt in the army...scary i know, on so many levels...

9/27/2005 9:55 PM  
Blogger LaLa Lisa said...

Bethers- WHAT??? They actually let John in the military? Hehe. Please, please tell me they did not trust him with a weapon of any sort? Hehe...John John bossing people around. That's too funny! :)

9/28/2005 9:37 AM  
Blogger Beth said...


they not only allowed him to carry and fire weapons but they put him in charge of people! must've been some good stuff they were smokin the day they decided on that...they need to pass that stuff over to me *L* jk

9/28/2005 1:22 PM  

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