Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Vent-Fest

Sometimes I think there's not enough Zoloft in the world to make me whole...It's just these random moods that strike. Nothing usually causes them, but they just begin with a little trickle of sadness and then develop into fool on despair or sorrow or go from annoyance to full on cranky bitch-mode. They usually only last a day or two. But it's so frustrating because it feels like I'm not even in control of my moods. Well d'uh...I guess that would be because I'm really not. It doesn't help that I just called my doc to thank them (sarcasm) for prescribing ear drops which have worsened my ear ache into full on ringing, shrilling pain that left me up most of last night curled up in a ball crying. Have I mentioned how tired I am of being sick? I'm congested, tired, annoyed that I'm hungry all the time and my clothes aren't fitting comfortably, work suckedy sucks, and I'm ready for a change of pace. I need away from this always bumper-to-bumper traffic filled area where people are constantly in a state of rushing around. Sean luckily has developed a strong desire to move as well and is seeking job opportunities within his company. So far we've looked at Colorado and South Carolina. I really do hope that something pans out because we need a change a pace and to live in an area where we have a shot in hell of being able to afford a single family home. Have I mentioned that for some unknown strange reason the biological clock is ticking. Yeah...I'm anxiety ridden over the current stressors in our life and I'm having muchkin-fever. Sick, I know!

Anyways, I miss my sis...I miss Trammie....they're both way too far away. I miss my little cousin who is now taller than me and growing up entirely too quickly and far from my watchful eyes.

I'm annoyed that I'm having this pity party because I know I have so much to be grateful for. I have a wonderful fiance, even if he does work too much, whom I love dearly. He's even going to take up a lot of the pressure of the bills so I can cut back my work hours to part-time and focus more on school. I know, he rocks! Of course, I feel guilty about that too though and like I'm not pulling my own weight. Ugh, I wish I didn't have these yucky thoughts and I was just a happy-go-lucky-ball-of-sunshine all the time...but alas that's so not the case. How does Seanie put up with me?? I don't know...but I'm so glad that he does. And I'm very lucky too.

5 Comments:

Blogger Bailey's Mom said...

Hey Lis,
Sorry you are having a rough day :(
We all have those days from hell, you'll pull through.

Sean is a sweetie - he puts up with days like this cause 340 days out of the year you are a delight :) And as your future husband, its his duty to take good care of you when you are grumpy. YAY sean for doing such a good job.

Dont stress about the babies yet, i know its hard cause i SWEAR everyone is pregnant!!! Just get another puppy ;) lol **hint hint sean** Christmas is coming up.. i may just have to make a little delivery :)

8/24/2005 3:57 PM  
Blogger Kjersten said...

I ALWAYS get that way right after seeing my family... I come home, am on cloud nine, so happy for a day or two then BOOM! I switch to bitch mode. It's like my body can't handle all that happiness and niceness and has to balance out the emotional account all at once.

Don't worry about it too much, it'll go away soon. You are a wonderful person, even when you aren't in a good mood.

Now, I will copy this response and send it to myself next time I feel grumpy.

BTW, I'm right there with you on the baby thing. I want one now! Cuddling with kitties (even though they hate it) seems to help me a bit ;)

8/24/2005 3:58 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

well i'm always bitchy lately, but then i have an excuse and i'm milking it for all it's worth *LOL* ... have you thought about maybe talking to a counselor, if nothing else to have someone that gets paid to listen to rants? i would think the blog would be therapeutic,but of course can only help so much...you might also think about switching meds, if you're on anything...just my lowly two cents worth :)...i'm sure there are days when sean feels very lucky to have someone as wonderful as you, just as you feel about him *big hugs*.

8/24/2005 6:26 PM  
Blogger West Coast Mia said...

Ahhhhh, I am so sorry that you are so sad and frustrated. I hate that when you are screaming to yourself inside to stop being so unhappy and your body and mouth just don't listen. You are soooo wonderful that is why Sean loves you so much even with the moods.
I really hope that you guys can move closer. I am tired of sharing you with the east coast. The west coast needs a little Lisa love too!If you do move I hope you don't have to deal with traffic h*ll anymore. I seriously would be a moody b*tch from h*ll if I had to endure what you do everyday. I hated it when my commute (if you can even call it that) went from 10 minutes to 25 minutes when we bought our house.
Hang in there! I love you!!!!!!!!

8/25/2005 12:01 PM  
Blogger LaLa Lisa said...

E- I'm a delight 340 days out the year. You're so generous. Hehe! :) Sean might disagree with that figure though. I'm feeling much better today. Damn PMS! Grrrr. I so want more furry kids, but I keep getting vetoed...and I know we can't really afford it.

K- I think that's a big part of it. It was great seeing my sis and everyone again and the time with them just went by too fast and reminds me how much I miss them. As far as the kitty cuddling goes, Mr.Tigger would have none of that. *lol* Well, he will sit on my lap, but every time I turn him over on his back and stroke his tummy he starts meowing loudly and then Baden comes over to investigate and starts poking Tigger's belly with his nose and the next thing I know I have this kitty furball exiting my lap at the speed of light. Hehe. :)

Bethers- Hey, us non-preggers women can have funky hormones too. :) Oh, and the therapy thing..so have that covered already and she's fabulous. So great in fact that I'd love to be able to fold her up and carry her around in my back pocket. :)

Mia- Sean is a man on a mission with this moving thing. Thank God!!! My honey is pretty determined when he sets his mind to it. Just today he was saying how he hopes he hears back about the jobs in the next month because he's getting super antsy. I hate when you're in that funky mindset and just can't snap out of it. Although, I'm much better today even though my ears are popping every 2.5 seconds and I can't hear what anyone is saying. I'm having to read lips. Hehe. Yes, I think it's time I return to my westward roots where the weather is nice and curly-hair friendly. :)

8/25/2005 12:10 PM  

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